In the process of eliminating others from my personal romantic selection, some characteristics and behaviors tie into place on what is considered unattractive. In friends and potential lovers, I look into personality first. A person must have a sense of humor and know how to have a good time in order to be socially personal. Also, I tend to find attractiveness to others who are respectful and polite, and have goals in their life. Then, comes personal beliefs and attitudes. I may not have to agree with everything another person believes in, but if they perceive life the same way I do, we are definetly going to have a strong relationship. And lastly, in becoming a partner or lover, I do seek outer beauty and body type. Although it may sound shallow, in all honesty, I feel as if I need to bare a sexual attraction with another person in order to chose them as a romantic partner. These are my personal filters, although they can differ depending on the person as well. I tend to meet people with no goals in life and have an opposite agenda, yet seem to still find a mutual attraction in building a friendship. Since every person is different, and their "first impression" may expose the wrong or right sides, building relationships based on these filters vary.
Duck's theory does in fact make sense to me. I have "eliminated" people based on sociological cues because the "long-distance" relationship or friendship would be to hard to bare. I would want to see a person often and frequently if we were dating. Also, I have "eliminated" others by preinteraction cues as well. It may seem harsh, but I am being honest. I always see myself befriending another person no matter their looks, but entitling them as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend is hard when you really don't know them personally. Nonverbal behaviors like watching a guy pick his nose in class can really signal an elimination. I think my exboyfriend is a perfect example of later on building a relationship after interaction and cognitive cues. When I first met him, he disgusted me and I hated the way he dressed and said things, then after getting to know him, I accepted his "flaws"(although I shouldn't say flaws), and ended up building a wonderful relationship. His personality clicked with mine, and you realize the kind of person YOU are, because of another person.
Your post makes so much sense, and I was nodding my head and was smiling when I was reading it. I do have similarities with you when it comes to personal filters, and I think that all humans have the same filters, only in a different order.
ReplyDeleteThank you Marinka! Its always nice to have similarities with others as well!
ReplyDeleteI think that someone who may not strike you as attractive initially, can later become very attractive to you with their personality. I too initially look for someone who makes me smile, who gets my sarcasm and can tolerate my OCD type behaviors. But I also look for someone who is as driven and as goal oriented than I am. I am a single parent, go to school, work full time and am looking for a second job as well. I can’t have someone in my life who will hold me back or resent me for not having the amount of time to spend with them that they so desire.
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